A Short Story I wrote a while back. Based on a night I had in a Hospital in Upstate New York. All in fun. Not to be taken seriously.

     I don't know too many people who have an alarm clock nurse, but I have one!  I am having tests done in a Hospital in Upstate New York, and it requires that I stay  for about a week. Most of them  have a bright white smile, and are Always friendly, professional and caring.  Sort of like Charlize Theron in the Movie she was in with Jeff Daniels, where she was a waitress,  and he was a lawyer. Remembering the scene where he was hyperventilating, and she gave him the paper bag to breathe into. When he looks up he sees the face of an Angel smiling down.  Trial and error it was called.  An outstanding comedy.  Yeah? Well only in the movies. Unfortunately, not for this puppy.

     This is what actually happened. (well almost)

     I practice lucid dreaming.  That's where you are approaching Theta REM sleep from the initial Beta sleep pattern. Your mind is actually able to control those dreams as you wish. Very relaxing, and helps you overcome fears and things in the waking day. Like for example, you are afraid of heights.. you dream of flying, and after a while you will not fear flying anymore. When you wake up, you remember the entire dream. You can even plan the dream during the day with meditation. The whole dream only lasts a few minutes, and it requires a lot of practice, and patience. That's the theory Anyway. It does however, work for me, and I love it. But that's not what I want to talk to you about today. I mentioned it because it helps to achieve the proper perspective comparison for what happened here. Anyway, Back to my story. I was dreaming  I was in the middle of scuba diving in Florida, with no air tank or Goggles,  Looking for mermaids with my beautiful Scuba Instructor, Roxanne.

     Everything was perfect. I was gliding under the warm tropical water eating a cheeseburger, reading the headlines in the Newspaper of how I had just won the lottery, while sipping on a tall drink with one of those little umbrellas in it.   Hey, its a dream, OK?    I'm having a blast.  (until)


     I feel tugging on my arm, and a voice saying," Wake up! Wake up!  Oh No!  Your line is tangled!  I don't want another bleeder!"   So I think to myself, "Line?  what line?  I don't even have an air tank down here".
And  "Who is bleeding?  Roxanne Are you OK?   There may be some underwater vines or something surrounding that treasure chest, so stay behind me and you will be OK".  And then I opened my eyes and said.  OH!

     I see it's my Nurse. The real one, that I had not seen yet. (I guess Charlize  was busy).  What I see is a face with a big smile, which consisted of one tooth on the bottom, sticking out over the top lip.  This face was wearing glasses and a flashlight on it's forehead, being held  there with what looked like a shoelace.  The flashlight's bulb not being turned on yet,  Matched the round lens of the taped together glasses, which featured a delightful magnified pair of half crossed eyes, which were Wide and piercing.  (with a slight spin). This made the face look like it had 3 eyes. One in the middle!   It was also wearing some kind of plastic shower cap thing on its head, with little swirls on it, which was failing to cover the long  brownish green matted hair. The face reminded me of the  Stay puff  Marshmallow man in the movie Ghostbusters,  only with with one tooth in the Middle, And a third eye.

     In My present state of mind, it looked like Medusa coming in for the kill, carrying the eagle that would daily devour the liver of Prometheus on the rock, because he gave the world the knowledge of fire. My Medusa however, had 3 eyes, and one tooth, wearing a big evil Gerber Baby face smile.   She was  holding a needle, and leaving a trail of drool, as it began It's descent toward my face.

     And I said.    (Oh!).

     Now the face begins to speak. I think  it said, "How are you?" But it sounded to me like a gleeful  "Ahh Rooo".  As it was getting closer holding that big needle, and wearing the same smile.
Then I believe what was said was, "alright now your going to be OK,".  which sounded Very much like, "Alright,  now you are going to pay!  Which was spoken in an Elmer Fudd Accent, coming from that big Empty, one tooth mouth. The only thing missing yet was the Elmer Fudd  laugh. You know the one.  (So I guess it could have been worse).    
That is the best description I can think of for what I saw so far.
As you can tell by my description so far, I am slightly confused about what is going on here. Then I hear  "Can't have no more tissue damage,  So Howed till".    Well now I was beginning to understand what was going on here. 

     The last sentence was,  I was supposed to hold still to avoid tissue damage. The tissue damage being the area of my arm where the IV was put in. It seems that Florence Nightingale here, checks on sleeping patients status, by yanking on the plastic tube coming from the IV pump while the patient is asleep, to see if it leaks. I suppose if you yank too hard on these things, Oops  it will leak.  The rest will be left to imagination, as to the tissue damage part. (for now)

     So now I'm thinking , That's  what those little yelps I heard were earlier, Just before I fell asleep!   I heard a series of them, starting at the far end of the hall, and working their way down toward my room. Maybe one every 5 minutes or so.  Every once in a while, A slight scream or muffled yell and crash of a glass. Then the sound of bare feet shuffling quickly, followed by this Thump.  Followed by dragging sounds and low moans and whimpering.  Then shushing, mixed with the sound of the Elmer Fudd giggle, then sheets rustling, then just this low weeping sound.

     Well, needless to say, it was now too late for me to worry about that. I had become the next in line. And I was gonna be, "OK".    The Flashlight comes on in the middle of the forehead, lighting up the area around the top of the bed.
And I said.   (Oh).  

     So now my brain starts sending signals. Run!  Run Now!   Huh? what was that?  I look up and see the Evil Gerber Baby Face with the 3 eyes and Medusa cap, flashing  that same  smile, standing next to me  holding   A great big Needle!  Now doing the Elmer Fudd Giggle too!   "Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh".  So of course the first impulse anyone would have, would be to    Leave of course!   So,  I immediately  jump out of the bed.   As I do this, The IV comes out.   

     "Oh!   Hey!   Ouch!"   (So that's the TISSUE damage!).    So I begin to claw my way away from the bed, running in my bare feet.   Got to be something her to help me  I think,  so I grab the water glass and  Smash it on the floor!   From somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear Short Round saying,  "Big mistake Indy!  Big Mistake!"   (Oh really, you think?)   OK there has to be something else here then!   I grab the phone and Crash!   Magazines, then a box of cookies. Nothing is working.   I can now feel my feet being grabbed.  I was slowly being dragged back across the floor to the bed.    All I can say is   No! No! No!   Please!    Next thing I know, I'm being lifted on the bed where I pull up the covers, moaning quietly, "No No No".   Then I realized,  This is Exactly the sound I just heard from the room next to me 5 minutes before.    Well, I had to do something here, or I was toast,  So,  I pointed toward the sky in the window, and yelled    "Look, an Elephant!"  She says, "Oh Weally?"   But the face just kept coming closer, and the head was shaking back and forth.  "Dah udder guy in dah udder  woom , just  twied dat my fwend!     Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh".   (Oh, give me a break already!). 
    
       So I prepared for the worst.     Just then my cell phone rings!   Yes! The Phone!  She picks it up, and says  "Not now!"  Then the Land line phone on the table rings.  She picks up.  "Yes".  I'm thinking.  I'm Saved!   just give me the phone.  (I felt this wave of relief fall over me).   She says to the phone,  "Hey, Wat is dis?  Party Central?  We In Dah middle of a vewy  vewy  sewios procedure!  not now!  Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh".  And she hangs Up!.  (great)
So naturally I said, "who was that?"   "Oh, justya tista".  (my sister).  " She sounded a wittle worried. Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh!"   Really?   So I said this,   " By now she is probably Locked, Loaded, and on her way over here"

And she said,  (Oh)

     Well, after the ordeal, She left before anybody got there.  On the way out, She said,  "Sweet Dweams"..
To which I replied,  "Oh you can bet on it!  Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh".

Short and Almost true story about a night in the Hospital a while back. I actually wrote this while I was still in the room the next day.    I actually never saw her again after that night.
Well that's my little story.  
G